Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Things I Really, Really Want to Yell in My Cubicle

So here are the the top 10 things I think I should yell out to most freak out my new anti-social cube neighbor:

10. "Whooooo-eeeey! Do I ever have to take a dump bad!"
9. "I wonder if this rash is as contagious as the doctor says it is."
8. "Hey, who's pissed off my voodoo doll?"
7. "Dang it, my pet rat Sparky gnawed through his box again."
6. "I really shouldn't have had those refried beans for breakfast. My silent but deadly farts are really extra deadly today."
5. "Oh crap! I forgot to put pants on again!"
4. "Holy crap! That's the world's biggest booger!"
3. "This next conference call will be the perfect time for me to pluck my bikini line."
2. "Damn it! Brad Pitt renewed the restraining order again! That mofo is so going to pay for this!"

And the number one thing I want to yell in my cube to freak out my new anti-social neighbor is...
1. "I wonder how much I'd bleed if I cut off my ring finger."

Love,

Catwoman.

7 comments:

random_mommy said...

You forgot...

"I thought that vaginal odor spray was supposed to hide the smell, not make it stronger."

she is soooo going to HR about you!

Julie said...

OMG - random_mommy almost made me pee in my pants. There is no way I can top that one!

Kellie said...

Random Mommy is causing me to laugh so hard I might pee!!

I'd have fun working with you!!

Add "Ooops, I think I sharted!"

Emma in Canada said...

To be honest, I'm a little frightened of both you and random mommy.

Rachel said...

OMG, my coworker probably think I am crazy now, because I couldn't stop laughing! That is sooooo funny! Please make sure to be video taping said cube neighbor so that we may all enjoy!

Beccy said...

I need you to come and sort out my neighbour with your comments!

beebop said...

maybe you should start clipping your toe nails and eating beans from a can like my cube neighbors do...
also, I like to say "I've got to shit!" and run away from my desk as fas as possible...