Tuesday, April 24, 2007

My Version of Really, Really Strong Prozac

Ah Weeeeeeee!

Hello readers!

I am sooooo happy to see you today! (Imagine this said in a slurred speech a la Anna Nicole. Even though it's really really mean to make fun of dead people. Which I'm totally not, I think.)

I am so freaking loopy right now! Wee! Look at me spin around in circles in my cubicle!

Isn't the world beautiful! It's so great! I'm right now surrounded by blue fabric walls and really, it's just freaking perfect.

I'm not even being sarcastic here, that's the really scary part.

I am totally freaking off the boat, or the car, or whatever that expression is when you've gone insane.

And all it took was one freaking Venti Chai Latte. My crack. Which today for some reason, has caused me to go completely wonkers. I don't know how much caffeine chicky babe barrista in our company cafeteria put in my cup this morning, but I can't remember the last time I blinked and I've totally just typed all of this up in under 8 seconds. I'm totally not crapping you right now.

And also? I'm pretty sure I could totally run a mile in under 30 seconds. Because I can totally go really, really fast right now. I dare you to dare me.

Oh and also, I really, really want to make out with every man I see. I'm thinking barista babe totally threw in an aphrodisiac.

Probably because I'm having a really bad hair day, because the humidity today is at a comfortable 156 percent.

And my hair is weeping, because really, what's the point of trying in the kind of humidity that will bring us newborn-baby sized hail and 50 tornadoes. But the tornadoes only like trailer parks, so hooray for God hating poor people, I guess.

And if you think I care about tornadoes and driving a lightweight Jeep Liberty in stormy weathers, well PFFFFFF! I say to you. Because I'm totally not. Because I totally just had a meeting where I showed way too much cleavage and grinned stupidly the whole time. And I don't freaking care! Boobs should run free! Like wild calves!

And man, it really feels like it's 350 degrees in here.

Which is the perfect temperature to cook my secret recipe for my Sombrero Casserole.

Yum. Which I totally won't divulge my secret recipe, because then I'd have to kill you.

Or you'd have to invite me for dinner and really, right now I think I'd be an atrocious guest, kind of like Borat. Except I promise not to invite a prostitute to your house.

I think I do, anyway.

So that's it for now! I'm going to go run down the hallway, really, really fast and laugh at anti-social neighbor's frizzy hair that makes mine look like it belongs on a well-coifed celebrity.

I said coifed. How freaking cool am I?

Anyone got a cigarette? This buzz totally needs to live on!




That Chick Over There said...

I got nothing.

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

The only thing missing is Chocolate!

Enjoy your day.

Why? Because it's Tuesday!


jesse said...

Holy crap girl I don't know what to say, man you're on caffeine overload.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what to say, either. You KILL me....how's that??

I had a Jeep Liberty Limited and HATED when it was really windy out. Can't imagine what THAT'S like with your kind of wind!!

So, have you landed from your buzz yet?

random_mommy said...

This post makes me feel weird.

Elle said...

LOL you are fun when you are hyper!!!!

Rachel said...

Holy shit I'm tired now! Totally.

Julie said...

Sombrero Casserole sounds delicious - assuming it is not actually made from sombreros or anything.

And why is it that cubes are always made of blue fabric? I mean, what's with the color blue? Is it proven to make you work harder or something? All the cubes I've ever had the displeasure of working in have been blue.

M said...

OMG this almost makes me miss the caffeine highs of my working days! (And believe me in those days? I NEEDED caffeine highs like these.)

This also is making me really crave a chai latte. I don't know anyone else in the world who enjoys them. They're more a fall drink for me but still. mmmmm. it's kinda fallish out right now.

Jhianna said...

I've had that day *LOL*

(and mmmmmmm... venti chai latte)