Friday, April 27, 2007

Ensuring The Next Generation Of Therapists Are Successful

So there's a very possible chance that I might not be a better parent than Alec Baldwin. I mean, I don't leave Little Man messages calling him a thoughtless pig, mainly because he doesn't have his own phone yet, which is the cause of much ridicule in his 18-24 month old Toddlers' class in daycare, I tell you. But I still won't budge on the issue, despite his threats of continuing to make me read the same horrible book over and over every night which causes my brain cells to place a plastic bag over their heads to speed up their death. I say no cell phone until you're 3 1/2.

My point is that I've never called Little Man a thoughtless pig, but I did, once in my new mom sleep deprived state, call him a "little bastard" when he spit up an entire bottle all over himself in his infant carrier as Sweetie Pie and I were pushing him in a shopping cart about to walk into the grocery store and he was wearing his 10th clean outfit of the day.

Sweetie Pie was horrified that I called him that in public, but I didn't say it exactly like Alec Baldwin, it was more of a very loving "oh, you little bastard" kind of way. Plus, really, I was really, really sleep deprived. No, take sleep deprivation, coat it in more sleep deprivation, and that's about where I was, because the kid never slept.

But I now realize that I abuse my son in other ways. Like for example, I bought him Lucky Charms cereal last week. I've gone from believing that my son would never have sugar touch his lips to figuring out that Lucky Charms are a great source of vitamins and lookie here! They have whole grain!

But those marshmallows? They really don't add any nutritional value. So here's what I do to save my son's beautiful teeth: I eat all the marshmallows myself. I pour him a bowl of cereal, scour to find all the marshmallows and then inhale them before he can see me.

Some day, my son will see a commercial for "Frosted Lucky Charms... They're Magically Delicious!" and think to himself "what the??? Their cereal has marshmallows in every color of the rainbow! Why would my mother buy me the cheap kind with no marshmallows?"

And then eventually, he'll realize that I've been eating the marshmallows this whole time, and he'll have trust issues forever and blame us for his inability to move out of the house and get a real job.

Also, we've kind of, sort of, been pillaging his Easter basket. But in our defense, the kid received like 10 pounds of chocolate. And really, no 19-month old should eat that much sugar, because it's likely to cause him to twirl so fast that he ends up damaging many shingles off the roof of the house.

Plus, if we give him a handful of Easter M&M's, there's no cut off point with him. Which means that we get to listen to him moan "more? more?" for the next three hours. Last night, I walked in to check on him, and he actually whined "more?" in his sleep.

So our only option, really, is to eat all the chocolate as quickly as we can so that it will no longer be an issue.

As Alec would put it, we've just been pushed to the brink, that's all.

Love,

Catwoman.

11 comments:

random_mommy said...

oh dear.
you're better than me, I leave the marshmallows in his Count Chocula and he picks them all out.

This morning, he had Cocoa Puffs that he dipped in applesauce, which convinced me that it was healthy.

Emma in Canada said...

I just watched that interview with Alec and I don't think he once said I'm sorry I called her a pig.

I think Little Man and Sopie are kindred spirits, she can't say more yet but she does have a fit if she sees someone else eating and she's not.

jesse said...

You're better than I am because I leave the marshmallows in.

susan said...

I once called Katie a piece of crap while in line for security at the airport. Seriously...a piece of crap? I have no idea where it came from, but she had tossed my water bottle and Mike had run back to the ticket counter. So it was just me, the monster strapped to my chest, and a butt load of luggage. A kind man behind me ran after the bottle (Katie has an arm on her) and handed it to me without any look of judgement. :)

Julie said...

Clearly you are an awful mother and should be ashamed. Not giving your toddler chocolate or marshmallows - what kind of heathen are you?! : )

My toddler's favorite breakfast is chocolate chip mini-muffins. You know, basically choc chip cookies. And yes, I do give them to her.

Tracey said...

Oh, the sacrifices we mothers make for our children. I'm sure not just any mother would thoughtfully consume the marshmallows; in my mind, you're mother of the year!

Kellie said...

Anything I'd say, someone has beat me to it. Which is my punishment for not reading on Friday when I SHOULD have!!

So, I'll say you ROCK...even though you won't give Little Man a cell phone NOW :)

M said...

I won't even tell you what I call Liam. Often. I don't know WHY but the child has a profanity nickname! (clearly time to teach me that profanity is used TOO liberally in this household)

I'm just glad you're making sure therapists have a job when your son grows up. That's throughtful of you for his peers!

Now I want the marshmallows from lucky charms. cod. you'd think I was still pregnant with the desperation of this craving. Thanks for nothin' lady!

Elle said...

I think we've all been there!!

You know it's funny; we say we'd never do certain things but we end up doing them anyways. Oh well. That's only because we delude ourselves as to what parenting is really like right?

Rachel said...

LMAO about the Lucky Charms! Poor Little Man! The horror!

Melissa said...

So very glad to see that I'm not the only one that eats the marshmellows!! It really is because we care. ;)