Thursday, April 05, 2007

Civilized People Have It Really, Really Rough

So my mother is coming to town tonight. In my world, this is the equivalent of having the IRS come to your house when you're a gazillionaire with lots of undeclared Monets and tables made of gold and you've never declared any income.

In other words, it involves a lot of hiding of stuff (battery operated things for me) and a lot of stress.

As my sister put it earlier this week when she was asking me how the cleaning of the house was going, our mother coming to visit equals a cleaning about 10 times as powerful as that of spring cleaning.

My preparing the house for my mother is a one-week cleaning ordeal. It's extremely stressful. It includes vacuuming so much that every fiber of the carpet is stripped of its cozy dog fur coat. It means ungluing things from the refrigerator shelves that have been abandoned sometime since the last maternal folk visit. It means cleaning base boards that haven't seen a sponge since the last time the carpet cleaners came over.

It means pretending that we're civilized people.

Which we're not.

Our house is in a constant case of chaos. I'd blame it on being a working mom. But really, that's like saying an apple rots because it wasn't in the fridge. The apple would have rotted anyway, the ambient air just speeds up the process.

Things I still have left to do before the big Canadian invasion of tonight: get car washed inside and out. I threw out all the crap, Rice Krispy square wrappers, dollar section books with mold on them from milk spills. But the 300 pounds of Fruity Cheerios on the backseat and floor still need to be vacuumed up by a professional. Who I'm hoping will make my car look like it just rolled off the lot, rather than the dump I'm currently driving.

I also still need to sweep and mop the floors so that it looks like we don't have two dogs living with us.

And then the carpets all need to be vaccuumed up again.

Sigh. I'm so tired just thinking about it.

But wait until I post pictures on Monday of my Easter table. It'll make Martha Stewart wish she was me.

I ain't kidding.




Julie said...

Good luck with the invasion. Will she show with white gloves in hand? I hope you do put Martha to shame and that someone offers you her television show. Could that woman be anymore boring to watch? Her voice puts me to sleep. Now you, YOU would make for excellent tv - a laugh a minute I say.

random_mommy said...

I would totally eff with her... leave a few weird dirty things out, etc...

you have patience that i just do not possess.

beebop said...

did you make an easter table display of those battery operated toys? I've never seen martha do that before!!! you are creative!

Catwoman said...

That's hysterical Beebop! Yes, I stacked them all on top of each other and dangled little resin Easter eggs from them. I thought it added a touch of class to the table, non?

That Chick Over There said...

I really think you and I are the same person that periodically changes wigs.

Yes. I really do.

Elle said...

Oh man you sound so like me!! I'm worse with my OWN mom than my MIL - how twisted is that?

Dr.John said...

Good luck with your mother.

Kellie said...

Seriously? Are we sisters? Even cousins? I think we must be :)

You crack me up...something I SO needed this week!!

M said...

This is exactly why I'm praying Lily keeps her ass in me until AFTER the weekend. If it's a weekday my mother will dash home the minute I shoot the kid out. If it's a weekend she'll have her husband with her which will mean they will stay over (at my sister's thank cod) but then want to come to MY place at some point. Oh HELLLLLLL no.

BTW. I'm coming to your place for easter. Battery operated goodness, mother horrifying, and Martha to envy behavior? WOOT!

Beccy said...

I always clean like crazy before my Mum comes then say 'oh I haven't had much time to clean so ignore all the mess', ahe's usually impressed with my house cause if that's dirty imagine what it clean would be like!!!

Looking forward to the pictures on Monday, hope you found a good hiding place for those battery operated toys (if my mum didn't read my blog there would be a post about hiding places from me)!

Emma in Canada said...

I'm so glad my mum lives in town, it means she never comes over.

random_mommy said...

it's monday... where are you and your pictures of dildo/easter decor???