Monday, March 12, 2007

I Am Mother, Hear Me Roar

I almost increased the Dallas murder count on Saturday. I wouldn't necessarily call myself an overprotective mother, after all, I let Little Man play in those heinous over-packed children's play areas at the mall, where kids three times as big as him push past him and climb on top of him as he excitedly tries to keep up with his little short legs and his limited range of athleticism.

Sweetie Pie decided that he hates Little Man's brown sandals which I bought a few weeks ago at Children's Place. These are the same sandals that I brought home, asked Sweetie Pie what he thought of them, and he ensure "they're fine! They're just sandals!" and then he cute the tag off of them and stuck them on our kid's chubby feet.

But now, it gets warm enough to put said sandals on, and Sweetie Pie makes a face and says "I hate those shoes."

Wh-what?

So defeated, I give up, we all go to the mall and go to Stride Rite to pick out new sandals for Little Man. Who officially owns more shoes than I do. I realize I don't own many shoes, but still, should I really be out-shoed by an 18-month old? Carrie from Sex and the City would be horrified.

Stride Rite has this nazi policy that you have to sign in to get help. And so while I was doing this, Little Man was being watched by his father and was running around the store yelling "shoe! shoe!" excitedly, because he is Carrie from Sex and the City.

And then I heard it. The distinct scream of my toddler and then huge sobs. I whirled around and by the time I got to him, Sweetie Pie was holding him and huge tears were streaming down my Little Man's face.

"What happened?" I asked, my eyes accusing.

And that's when Sweetie Pie tells me that this very large woman who was sitting on the Stride Rite bench with her husband (with no kids mind you, which who takes a break from walking by sitting in a store for children????) and she got up and stepped on Little Man's foot.

Which I was like "how could she not be more careful?"

But then Sweetie Pie tells me that after she stomped on his foot with all her weight, not only did she not apologize or make sure she was ok, but she just ran out of the story with her husband.

That's when my hormones exploded to a whole new level of PMS and I began to demand that Sweetie Pie describe this giant bitch so that I could shred her face.

But then the saleswoman announced that it was our turn. And they had really cute sandals, so I was forced to give up my revenge plot and instead spent 42 dollars on sandals that Little Man will have outgrown in four months.

The good news is his foot is ok. He stopped crying quickly and he didn't wince when we touched it. It was nothing a kiss from Mama couldn't fix.

But lady who stomps on toddler's feet, be warned. I'm coming after you, and I have a whole army of Mamas who'll throw spoiled breast milk and formula at you for being so stinky.

Love,

Catwoman.

8 comments:

susan said...

Now I have to pump breast milk and leave it out to spoil? Being your friend is work. ;) Though I look forward to throwing it at that craptastic woman.

Emma in Canada said...

I have half a can of 2 month old formula should you be in need.
I hate the sandals I bought Saoirse. I didn't realize until I got home that every time she took a step they light up. Of course they are princess so I can not take them back. The tantrum that would ensue is totally not worth it.

Beccy said...

I assume sandals in the US are the same as here therefore I'm so jealous of you having weather warm enough to wear them!

I'm well past the baby milk stage and I have a confession to make: I am a lady (that's questionable and would refer to myself as a girl) who steps on others toes. Poor Mollie is on crutches for her injured toe and I've stood on it (she was lying on the floor) and sat on it (when she was in bed). The howls of pain made me feel very guilty, I said sorry a thousand times and felt suitably guilty!

That Chick Over There said...

Want I should go mess that woman up? I'm a rough old girl from Tennessee.

Kellie said...

Foot steppin' big girl be afraid...be very afraid!! I have no bottle or boob juice, but I am good at kicking people in the shins and laughing when they fall over.

$42 for sandals, huh? I'm scared. So scared to have to buy "real" shoes for my daughter now that she's taken her first steps all on her own. I guess the Nike sneakers I spent $35 on won't cut it!!

Julie said...

What a rude bitch! But you know, if your Stride Rite was anything like mine on Saturday - it would have taken a lot more than a big, toddler, stompin bitch for me to loose my spot on the sign-in sheet! : ) Why don't they staff up on the weekend - good lord they know kids aren't going to sit around forever nicely.

random_mommy said...

some people just suck. take a picture next time with your phone... we'll start a stupid people website and post their pictures and write mean/true things about them.

jempress said...

oooh, reading this made my blood boil. i would have told husband to get the shoes and i would have chased the woman down....and give her evil looks and follow her around the mall muttering cuz i'm passive aggressive that way. btw, for future reference - i've heard from my SIL that they sell stride right for almost half the cost of the store at mervyn's or marshalls - one of those. i'll have to ask. Nordstrom rack (Preston & Park, next to Babies R Us) has them too for cheap.