Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I'm Not Staring At My Navel For the Next Five Minutes

So I found this to be so intriguing on Emma's blog, that I had to it myself. Instead of a Meme, it's a Youyou, where you write 50 things about people you know. Emma knows so many people, that she was able to do one for real people and one for the bloggers she reads. Not that we bloggers aren't real people, but you know what I mean. So here goes!

1. You got a zero on the final exam in biology that was worth 50 percent of our mark because of me. I was the one who told the biology teacher you cheated. I knew you'd figure out it was me, so I switched schools that summer instead of facing even more abuse and bullying from you and your friends.
2. You are the nicest, most polite person I know. I strive to be more like you every day.
3. I worry about you even though I don't even know you. I really hope that everything works out for you.
4. You're my best friend. I'd give you a kidney, or any other organ, if you needed it.
5. I think you are one of the coolest chicks ever. I don't know if you know how funny you are.
6. Your blog inspired me to make mine better. Reading your letters to your daughter when I was pregnant made me cry and made me start writing my own to Little Man.
7. I don't know if we'll still be together in 10 years. Right now, I can't even say that I hope that we will be.
8. I didn't like you growing up, but now, I'm really, really glad you're in my life. I wish I'd tell you that more.
9. I think you're the most gorgeous baby girl ever and I hope the world looks past your "disability" and sees you.
10. You're the light of my life.
11. I didn't think we'd get along, but I really, really like you, even though I think you're very flawed and could be much happier if you tried. The reason I thought I wouldn't like you is actually one of the reasons I do.
12. I think you might be in love with me. Or at least have a crush on me. But I'd never say that to you because it would make things forever awkward and either make me look conceited or make you feel horrible.
13. I'm so glad I recently discovered your blog. I think you're hysterical.
14. I feel bad that I've avoided your calls for the past three days. I hope Little Man never avoids my calls like that.
15. I think your daughter should be a model or in pageants.
16. I miss you now that you've moved, even though I only got to see you maybe once every two or three months.
17. You were my favorite gay best friend. I still miss you and I hate that you didn't keep in touch when I moved.
18. I think you're selfish, self-absorbed and conceited. Now that we don't work together anymore, I wonder how we ever became friends in the first place.
19. I don't like the way you cut your child's hair.
20. When I got the message that your father died, I didn't call you. I pretended my answering machine didn't work and acted surprised when you told me months later. Even though you were 2,500 miles away from me, I should have been a better friend to you.
21. You were my first love and I still think of you. I'm pretty sure you're gay.
22. Although you don't discuss your conception issues with me very much, I think of you all the time and I wish I could make it better. I felt guilty most of my pregnancy for getting pregnant before you.
23. You taught me that I needed to love myself before I could ever be loved by someone else. Even though you left me with some emotional scarring, I'm grateful to you.
24. You were the best boss I ever had. I wish I'd stayed in touch with you.
25. I don't understand how you can be 33 and smoking pot every night. I'm very worried about you.
26. You saved my life, even though you didn't know me and had never met me before.
27. I wish you'd blog more frequently, since I don't get to see you as much now.
28. You are my twin separated at birth. I'm so glad you left your job and recommended me for it.
29. You move way too slowly which infuriates me and makes me want to smack you around. But since I have a toddler, I just pretend that you're him and then go to my happy place.
30. You told me that my personality sucked and I didn't belong. You created a viper's nest and I'm glad I didn't belong.
31. You are such a horrible person that I cried every night during my one hour commute for six months. I found out you were pregnant recently and can't believe that the universe would let you have a child when so many great women can't get pregnant.
32. You're one of the reasons my credit card debt is as high as it is. I don't blame you, I'm just saying we're too much alike on the shopping front.
33. You are Little Man's other mom. I'm not jealous of this fact, even though I thought I would be.
34. You didn't ask me to backpack through Europe with you. I still wish you had.
35. You called me a slut when we were in university together. It didn't bother me then and it still doesn't bother me now, because I've always known that you were just an unattractive bitch who was jealous that I could talk to boys and flirt with them. I know I was never a slut. But you are probably still a bitch.
36. One of my favorite memories ever is laying in the grass at a park in Barcelona watching the sunrise after we fooled around for the first time.
37. I really hope our two sons will grow up and be very close, because that way you and I will be friends for a long time.
38. You've made my husband miserable for too long. I won't be sad when you die.
39. You're one of the nicest guys I know and I'm so proud of you for making it in the big city and still being so nice. I really want to come visit you.
40. Your habit of winking all the time totally cracks me up and makes it hard for me to keep a straight face.
41. Your daughter is adorable and hysterical.
42. I hope you never stop blogging, because even though I don't know you, through your writings, I really feel like I do.
43. I hate how tough your life and relationships have been for the past few years. I don't know how I can be a better friend to you and I feel like I'm not there enough for you.
44. You make amazing chocolate chip cookies and hope that you make them for Little Man often as he grows up.
45. I know you miss your wife like crazy, but I'm glad you've hung in there as long as you have. I really love you and want Little Man to get to know you.
46. I'm your favorite and I don't understand why. I wish you'd love my sisters as much as you love me. They're really better people than me and I wish you could see that.
47. Just the mention of your name makes me break in hives. I don't understand how you ever got popular and even though I like one of your songs, I can't stand any of the rest of them and really think you're gross.
48. You really have horrendous breath. I always feel faint from the lack of breathing when you go into one of your rants, but it's better than the alternative.
49. You're a fantastic mom and I'm so glad I can call you my friend.
50. You always know how to make me laugh.

Love,

Catwoman.

8 comments:

Emma in Canada said...

Am I on there? I totally want to jump up and down with my arm up in there asking that over and over. Even if it's not a very good one, I want to know. In fact i want to know who they all are, because you know some funky people. I got beebop, your mom and possibly your dad. I'm really wondering about 7.

Beccy said...

Tell us please...pretty please...I think you should only write these if you're prepared to spill the beans because us poor readers really really want to know!

random_mommy said...

Fine. You got me. I'm number 12. I hope this isn't too weird.

Catwoman said...

Yup Emma, you're totally in there! :) There are some that fit multiple people, but I can't imagine them not.

GAAAH! Beccy, that's not fair! I shouldn't have to divulge the bad ones! Besides, they're not all blog people!

Random Mommy, that's hysterical! I'm very perceptive aren't I?

OK, I'll share this much:

2. Is a coworker of mine
3. Emma, this one's you.
4. Is my best friend, duh.
5. Random Mommy
6. Dooce
8. My sisters
9. My niece
10. Little Man
11. Another coworker of mine
12. Yet another coworker of mine
13. This is a few people actually. Beccy, Dribble and drool and Beebop-aloobop
14. My mother
15. One of my girlfriends who has a two-year old
16. A girlfriend of mine who moved to Austin
18. An ex-coworker of mine
23. The ex-boyfriend who told me I wasn't marriage material
24. My second full-time job's boss
25. A Canadian friend of mine
26. The doctor who delivered Little Man
27. Another one that's a few people. Random Mommy, Susan and Jempress
28. A girlfriend of mine whose job I now have
29. Yet another coworker of mine
31. An ex-coworker of mine
32. Susan!!!!
33. Little Man's favorite teacher
34. My second love
37. My best friend again (did I cheat with that, putting her on twice?)
38. Sweetie Pie's evil uncle
39. My friend J. in NYC
40. A VP here
42. This one's a number of people too: Emma, Beccy, Dribble & Drool & Beebop-aloobop
43. MartiniGal
44. My sister-in-law and my dad
45. My grandfather
46. My grandmother
47. Kenny Chesney, the country singer
49. Every mom I know!

There, that's all I'm divulging!!!! :)

random_mommy said...

I was hoping for 5. I think my heart just tripled in size. I wish we all said nice shit to each other more often.

do you know kenny chesney? he gives me the creeps... too smooth and hairless, like one of those freaky hairless cats...

MartiniGal said...

I was praying to GOD I wasn't #18, but I'm so glad I'm 43... I miss you more than you know. Can we meet for lunch? Oh, and I'm crying now!!

beebop said...

awesome post! i love these posts, they feel so...so secretive or gossipy or something, which I LOVE. am glad to have found some great new reads as well!

jempress said...

haha! ok, ok - i'll take the hint and try writing more often :).