Wednesday, February 07, 2007

If a Tree Falls in the Forest

So I don't have anything to say today. This is the equivalent of hell freezing over, I know, but I'm going to blame it on the pink eye. And the swollen glands that feel like two golf balls pressing on my neck.

So I thought I'd share five things with you that you might not know about me. Because I really don't know what else to do.

1. Before I die, I want to get to hold a live koala bear. I love koala bears. I have since I was a tiny little catwoman. I don't care if you say they're stinky or full of fleas or have sharp claws. I love them. And I will hold one someday. And I will grin really wide on the pictures, not caring that my weird tooth is showing, that's how happy I'll be.

2. I also want to learn how to milk a cow before I die. I don't know why, but I always thought that it'd be so cool to be able to brag to people that I know how to milk a cow. Like I could say in a job interview "sure, I know how to write concise and inspiring key messages, but I can also milk a cow."

3. I always look at the toilet paper after I wipe. My sisters have always thought this is really gross. They know I do this, because we've share a bathroom growing up and no one had any qualms in being in the bathroom doing her hair while another was taking a dump. I can't help but check out the t.p. because how else will I know if I need to keep wiping?

4. I can change Little Man's diaper while he's standing up. This is a talent that I never thought I'd develop when I was younger, but well, here I am, 31 years old, and I can remove Little Man's night diaper while he's standing up watching Play With Me Sesame and get another one on him perfectly. In under 30 seconds flat. If there was a world competition of diaper changing, well, I don't want to brag, but I'd probably be your champion.

5. When I was laid off in 2001, I considered becoming a Hooters girl to make money. I figured I had big enough boobs to do it and maybe they wouldn't think I was too chubby. I figured to do this, I'd have to do it behind Sweetie Pie's back. I finally decided that I'd rather be broke than have to wear those hideous orange shorts and never applied.

Love,

Catwoman.

5 comments:

MartiniGal said...

Doesn't EVERYone look at the toilet paper when they wipe? If not, then I guess I'm a weird freak right there with you, Catwoman!

Beccy said...

I too thought everyone checked the toilet paper after wiping or am I also a weird freak!

I never mastered the art of changing nappies standing up (the child that is not me)! I only tried once and the nappy gradually slid down the trouser leg whist the child pissed everywhere so never again!

random_mommy said...

how do you know if all the poop is gone if you don't look???

Catwoman said...

I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one! Maybe only non-bloggers don't look?

susan said...

How do your sisters know they are clean if they don't look at the t.p.?! ick - they have dirty bums. ;)
Sus