Friday, February 09, 2007

I Hate to Say It, But I Told You So

So I'm not pregnant. I knew I wasn't. Because I'm really in tune with my body and always know what each cell is doing at any given point, at any given time.

I'm actually just messing with all of you. I just figured that the odds of me conceiving from having sex once in a month would make this baby just one step removed from the immaculate conception.

But I know, the world is full of pregnant teenagers who thought they couldn't get pregnant the first time they had sex.

And so I now sit in my cubicle crabby, bloated and craving sweets and saltiness, all of which means that I'm not pregnant.

By the way. Who the hell ever came up with the idea that a great euphemism for "having my period" is Aunt Flo?

It's just ridiculous.

And don't even get me started about people who say "at the end of the day" every other minute. Makes me want to kick their asses until the end of the day. I'm going to start saying random other times like "At the end of the lunch break, it's really only "

If I was a criminal, I would totally go hold up a Ben & Jerry's right now, just so I could eat all those ginormous tubs of ice cream.




Julie said...

My old boss used to say "it is what it is" to basically answer any question you asked him - it ws terribly annoying. He was an idiot though.

Emma in Canada said...

Sophie is living proof that once a month (or once every 3) can result in a baby. Apparently, having a baby in the room with you is not a fool proof method of contraception.