Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Expanding My Super Powers

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. Because if I could visit the 13 year old me, with the bad haircut that made me look like a boy, the acne and the shy, awkward personality, I would tell her "fear not early-teen me! You may not be popular now and get the shit kicked out of you emotionally every day, but when you will be 31, you will have super powers. And these morons will be picking up trash in orange jumpsuits on the side of the road."

My super powers include being able to grow another human being in my belly. I'm not the only one with this power, a lot of you who read this have not only used this power for good once, but many of you have used your power multiple times, qualifying you for a premium quality satin cape and a pair of gorgeous Jimmy Choos.

But this weekend, I've also developed the power to predict when they dryer will go off, without even needing to look at the clock. I know, you fell out of your seat right? I mean, this is the kind of power that can literally save the world. It could stop global warming and world hunger, it's that great of a power. But twice this weekend, I've managed to get up from the couch to see if the dryer was done, and halfway to the laundry room, it would beep to let me know that, yes, indeed, it is done. Sometimes I'm so freaking amazing, I can't believe it myself.

And then I've also developed the power to state the obvious. This is a power that I like to throw around like it's no big deal, making me the envy of all, particularly Sweetie Pie, who gets to witness me every night state the obvious about TV shows that we are watching, or any situation really. Stating the obvious is becoming my strongest power. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because my brain cells have been sucked out by the Little Man. And my brain can no longer come to simple conclusions unless it states the obvious out loud. But either way, I swear that I will not use this power for evil.

Maybe I've been getting into the show Heroes too much. But I really am beginning to think that I'm one of the chosen ones. I think I'll shave my head next and join Britney for a smoke in rehab. Because that sounds like freaking fun. And why should she get to have all it?

Love,

Catwoman.

7 comments:

susan said...

I wish I had your dryer is done predicting power. My clothes are always wrinkled to hell. Our dryer makes the dinkiest "done noise" and is impossible to hear.

The Keeper of Cheerios said...

:) Hi! I'm new to reading your blog. I'm going to add you to my blogroll, I hope thats okay. You're really funny. :)

Beccy said...

Snap, I too have the power to state the obvious!

Catwoman said...

Well Susan, I'm afraid I can't share these special powers. You either develop them randomly, or you don't. Keeper of Cheerios, welcome to my corner of blogland! I've added you to my blogroll too! Thanks for the shoutout! :)

Beccy, it's alway nice to meet a fellow stater of the obvious. It's a rare talent, I'm sure.

M said...

Bless you for your comments this morning they had me laughing and goodness knows I needed it...then it directed me here and woot for someone new to freaking read! WEEEE!

Your super powers sound divine. I mean SERIOUSLY. The dryer power? WOO!

Additionally...don't you just want to go back in time and pat 13-year-old-bad-hair-kid on the head? *shudders* I resembled Prince Valient at that stage. Cod don't let me allow my children to make hair decisions like that when they are old enough. FRIGHTENING.

okay...and because I REALLY like to let people know what kind of randomness blogger makes me type to enter my comment...this time it was "MTVSTUD" come on now. I'm certain it's trying to tell me something...just not sure what.

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Hi - I'm new here. Not really sure how I got here but I'm glad I found this place. Must be how super-hero type people find each other. My wife says I make Superman look like a wuss. Who am I to argue with such an intelligent woman?

I hope you don't mind if I bookmark your site, I'd like to come back and read some more.

Yay, Texas! Hook 'em Horns!

Catwoman said...

How cool that I'm read by an MTV Stud! M, OBVIOUSLY Blogger is trying to tell you something. And considering how I'll watch anything on MTV, you have at least one viewer lined up! And I'm sure you were a freaking HOT Prince Valient.

And Alpha Dude, I'm so sorry that the Internet has taken you down a dark path that ended at my little blog. There will be times that as a man you'll want to cover your ears and gouge your eyes out. But there are a few other men who read this site, so I do try to keep my discussions of vaginal discharges to a minimum because of them.

And I'm married to an Aggie. So no hookin' horns for us. :)