Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I May Very Well Work on That World Hunger Problem Next

So I've gone and done it. I swear, sometimes I think I'm so freaking amazing, that I could be on freaking Oprah. And I'd be on Oprah and she'd say "how do you do it." And I'd think about it for a second, because, really, the biggest part of my amazingness is how modest I am, and then I'd say "Oprah, I don't know. I don't even think about it. I guess it just comes to me naturally." And Oprah would nod gravely, flipping one her curls back, her $700 shoes dangling at the end of her perfectly manicured shoes, like even they can't believe how amazing I am.

And it all started this morning. At 5 a.m. I freaking set my alarm for 5 a.m., people.

And then I got up.

And then it happened.

I worked out

I'm not even shitting you right now.

Here I am, this woman with this fantastic career of sitting in a cubicle, the mother of a toddler who speaks 17 words, thank you very much. And now. Now. I'm a freaking athlete.

I know, I know. You wonder, how is this possible? Is she made of gold?

I don't know. It's hard for me to say really.

What I can tell you is that for 20 minutes, I sweated my ass off, while that blonde bitch on my Turbo Jam DVD bobbed and weaved and smiled. I got through it, because I knew that this brought me one step closer to my MILF goal.

And then the universe rewarded me by giving me a fantastic hair day. Not like celebrity hair, because that's ridiculous. I just mean fantastic hair day by my standards, which would be the equivalent to Britney Spears buying Cheetos hair.

In other fantastic news, I won't be dying of diabetes anytime soon. Because when I measured my waist that first time 10 days ago, I forgot the fact that I was just starting my period. And was as bloated as a whale. So I've lost three inches, none of which can be attributed to my diet or my one workout.

But if anyone asks, tell them I ate a few salads, worked out once and lost three inches around my waist, will you?




Emma in Canada said...

Do you think I can blame my gargantuan waist size on ovulation? I think you're crazy to wake up at 5am to exercize, I'm hardly willing to wake up at that time for Sophie, nevermind a fitness routine.

Julie said...

You go girl - you're a ROCKSTAR!

Beccy said...

I'm with Emma, I'd never wake up at that time!

Well done on the 3 inches it doesn't matter how you lost it but do you think a few salads and one workout would work for me.

Goose said...

Early work outs. Death. Need to get beauty sleep. Work out after a particualry bitchy day, gets all the bad stuff out before you go to bed.
The question now is will you do it again.

Catwoman said...

Well, in my defense, I'm one of those irritating morning people (is that really a defense if you make people who aren't like you want to kill you more?). About 3:30 in the afternoon, I'm done for the day. So the idea of working out after work is the equivalent for me to you normal people getting up at 5 a.m. to work out.