Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Struggling

I'm in the process of changing my entire life right now. And as much as I'd like to talk about it, on this blog, as well as to many of my friends, I'm too superstitious to do it.

In many ways, I feel like a liar to my friends, because I'm keeping something secret, something that I'm not ready to share with, because there's no guarantees that it will happen. But should the stars line up and everything happens, my life as I know it will completely change. This brings with it great excitement and tremendous sadness, because I really love my life right now. Unfortunately, I know that things can't stay like this forever.

It's like when I was in Spain for three months. It wasn't real, it was only three months of partying and the entire time, I knew it would come to an end and that last week in Barcelona, although I felt sadness at the fact I would never be that free again, I was also ready to face the real world again.

But this life isn't a fantasy. It's very real and I've loved (almost) every minute of it. But unfortunately, like Barcelona, it's gotten to the point where I can't keep going like this, simply because there are external and internal factors that make it that changes are necessary.

I know I'm speaking in code and in circles. This is my way of needing to cleanse a festering wound and a guilty conscience to all of you. I want you to know that I'm not keeping this a secret because I don't like you. It just needs to be this way right now because at the end of the day, I have a bit of Sicillian blood in me and it tells me that talking about things before they happen is the best way to ensure that you'll jinx yourself.

So know that when I do tell you what is going on that this has been a difficult decision, the equivalent of ripping out my hairs one by one with rusty pliers. And please don't be hurt that I didn't share this news beforehand. Just think of it as me attempting to share it telepathetically.

Love,

Catwoman.

3 comments:

random_mommy said...

I love secrets!!! I feel like I get a present when you finally tell me the secret! I'm so easy to please...

If you're moving to B'ham, Alabama- I demand you 'fess up, and purchase a house near us.

susan said...

So cryptic. ;)

Anonymous said...

FFS! You aren't supposed to make people think that much!