Sunday, October 15, 2006

One Incident Away From an Episode of "Intervention"

There's this show on A&E that's really, really scary. It's called Intervention and each week it figures an addict who's family is so desperate to set them straight that they throw a party that's no fun at all and never involves booze: an intervention they call it.

Usually the addict has done really horrible things to deserve such a party, such as prostitute themselves or get weird piercings that makes them ressemble Swiss cheese.

Yesterday, was a bad day in the Sweetie Pie and Catwoman household. The Little Man woke up numerous times the night before simply because the world hates us and has given us a child who needs to grow all 90 of his teeth at lightning speed. And so Sweetie Pie and I were up with a screaming toddler repeatedly throughout the night and then we spent the day taking care of an over-tired, cranky whiny cry baby. By the time 5 p.m. rolled around, I needed a drink like there was no tomorrow. In fact, the 20-year old in me told me that I should get really wasted, black out and have sex with some guy whose name I don't know. Which really, always made things better when I was 20. But since there's a shortage of that in my house, I figured I'd just treat myself to a cocktail.

Problem is, the 31-year old me lives in a freaking non-alcohol County. Something that is unheard of in Canada, where we believe beer is a part of a healthy breakfast. In Texas, there are dry Counties where no alcohol whatsoever is allowed and sex before marriage is probably considered a felony. Then there are counties that figure beer and wine is ok, but hard alcohol is definitely the drink of the devil. Then there are counties that have hard alcohol and they embrace their crappy neighborhoods and call these liquor stores hilarious names like "Goody Goody Liquor."

Goody, goody liquor, indeed I said yesterday.

Unfortunately, I've never been one to keep a stocked bar, and now living close to 20 miles from a liquor store has made the situation even sadder. My options were tequila, a tiny bit of vodka (used the day before to marinate flank steak. Who have I become????) and some coconut rum. As well as weird crap like curacao and creme de cacao, which obviously you have to mix in with other stuff to make kick ass martinis.

Now, I've had a fetish for coconut rum and orange juice for a long time. For a while, that drink was my only source of fruits and vegetables. Add to it that I'd use the calcium-fortified OJ, and I'd say I was one mighty healthy drinker.

Unfortunately, I didn't have any OJ. But upon scouring the pantry, I realized that the case of baby juice that I bought for the Little Man did have some orange and tangerine juice, with Cookie Monster's smiling face on the box.

I hesitated for a minute, but then Little Man screamed at me with his fists closed and I grabbed two of those juice boxes and I made me a cocktail.

When you're at my Intervention, don't you dare bring up that event. Because if you'd been in my bare feet that day, you would have done the exact same thing.




susan said...

Yum. We should figure out how to get the alcohol directly into the juice boxes, and take those with us trick or treating!

jempress said...

hilarious! how was your concoction? i was addicted to 7-up and pineapple rum for a few weeks, yum! come over, we'll have it sometime while wedo and little man scream in the middle of the night. wedo's been doing that too lately, tell me this is just a stage!

random_mommy said...

we have a well stocked bar. please call next time you're in such dire need! i will gladly drop off a pint or two!!!

susan said...

I never knew pineapple rum existed! We need a mommy drinking night! We'll have many fruity mixed drinks served in juice boxes.

Anonymous said...

There is a dry town here in Alberta. I think it's Mormon or something. My dad did a job there and almost died for the lack of drink. Now there's a man who would say no to an intervention.

Where's the post about the trip to Canada?