Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Oh Canada...

Last week, Little Man and I headed to Canada. You're probably thinking "yeah, we know that and we're thinking it must have been really traumatic since you didn't post about it for a week."

Well kind reader who comments in really long sentences, it actually wasn't. That's the problem. To write this blog, I must have things that occur that are exciting. This trip, alas, was quite uneventful.

The few "spicy" things I can share is that Air Canada Jazz does not have changing tables in their one bathroom on their little propeller planes. And so I had to blackmail the Little Man into staying poop free during the two hour journey from Washington Dulles to Ottawa.

Apparently being threatened with having a video of yourself discovering your wee wee broadcasted on You Tube is enough to scare even the most regular toddler.*

The Little Man got to eat all sorts of things that he'd never had before, some things that would have made Sweetie Pie leave me and sue for full custody. This isn't a Canadian thing, it's a French thing.

Little Man loved shrimp cocktail (minus the cocktail sauce. So I guess it would just be shrimp then), so much that as he was sticking dices of shrimp in his mouth, he got thirsty and began sucking milk out of his straw while still attempting to continue sticking shrimp on the other side.

He also loves to suck on a cinnamon stick. I think I'll introduce him to the wonders for ground cinnamon and flour, a concoction I invented when I was eight-years old and that I lived on for a couple of years. I was probably the only ten-year old with osteoporosis.

The Little Man's brilliance, especially when it comes to food, regularly blows me away.

He also ate turkey with cranberry sauce which he "MMMMM'ed" over like Paris Hilton staring at herself in the mirror.

I also found out that 13 months is the ideal time to have baby number two. I wish someone had told me that when number one was four months old, because now, I'm going to get pregnant and have a two-year old. And it won't be so great. I held my niece a lot while I was in Canada, and each time, not only did the Little Man not get jealous, but he tried to feed his seven-week old cousin cheerios and yogurt.

He's totally getting the Nobel Peace Prize next year. I'd send him to North Korea, but they don't probably don't have shrimp cocktail there, what with the oppressive regime and all.

My mother was surprisingly sane, which made the weekend more enjoyable for the rest of us, but lame for this blog.

On the way back, there were no free seats on either of our flights, so Little Man and I shared a space about ten inches wide by 15 inches long, but luckily I had a window seat, and so I stuck my toddler in the little opening that surrounds the window. Amazing how pliable those kids are. He oohed and aahed over the trucks and planes passing by, even as we remained stuck on the ground because our engine was leaking hydraulic fluid. Two guys with their butt cracks showing began to work on it, which made Little Man clap and cheer for them. I was convinced we were going to die, but I didn't tell him that. Considering he doesn't even know his colors yet, I figured death might be a little bit of an abstract concept for him.

Then we took off and since it was a cloudy day, we soon couldn't see anything out the window. Little Man whipped his ginormous head at me and screamed his fury, mad that I would take the ground and the trucks and planes away from him. Because everyone knows I'm a bitch like that.

We landed in Chicago an hour late, leaving me 25 minutes to run across two huge O'Hare terminals with a thirteen month old in a dirty diaper and one full bladder.

And somehow I not only made that flight with nine minutes to spare, I also emptied the bladder, changed the diaper (his, not mine) and paid 17 dollars for a small pizza, a bottle of water and a bottle of milk.

The highlight of that second flight was that Little Man sucked on a piece of pizza crust for five minutes, turning it into a gelatinous mass and then, smiling, stuffed it in my mouth.

I've never been so disgusted and, yet, felt so loved at the same time.

I have the best travel partner in the whole wide world. I can't wait to take him somewhere again.



*Note: Such a video doesn't exist. But that's our little secret.


susan said...


random_mommy said...

you two were made for each other ;)