Tuesday, April 04, 2006

It's What They Call Optimism, You Should Try it Sometime

So there's something I left out of my post yesterday. When I went to Target, I didn't just buy Baby Boy the Elmo Bird. I also bought myself two bikinis. I'm not sure why I bought them, considering that right now when I put them on I look like a sausage that's been dressed up for some strangely themed Halloween party, but I bought them nonetheless.

I believe my thinking at the time was that the bikinis would serve as inspiration for sticking to my diet of diet shakes during the day and fried foods at night and exercising more.

Instead, I have hidden them under my pajamas in my closet, terrified of those few square inches of fabric.

Now these bikinis are very cute. And we're going to the South of France in three months. So technically, it would be doable for me to look half decent in them in that amount of time. But man, that's a big commitment. I realize that marriage didn't seem like much of a commitment to me, since Sweetie Pie and I got engaged July 17th and then we were married August 28th in Vegas, but I'd been with him three and a half years. I knew what I was getting myself into. But I just met these bikinis. And my body did pop out an almost six-pound human being only seven months ago.

OK, fine. I admit it. I'm just terrified that my body hasn't been thin in so long that it doesn't remember how to. I admit that I've accepted the fact that I have thunder thighs and they probably won't ever look like they did when I was 14. I admit that I have a love for sour cream and butter that makes it impossible for me to pursue a modeling career.

So why in the world would I torture myself with two bikinis? Because I don't want to be the only woman on the freaking beach in Cannes who's wearing a one-piece bathing suit. I want Sweetie Pie to be surprised to see me in a bikini and go "wow, you look hot" and actually mean it, rather than think that he's reading from the good husband manual.

And I want to be able to get into a bikini one more time, since when baby number two arrives I'm likely to be scarred by even more stretch marks, my second c-section will mean that my abdominal muscles will be even weaker and my chances of fitting into a bikini will only keep decreasing.

This summer is my last hurrah in some ways. I'm just not sure I'm motivated enough to take advantage of it.




Anonymous said...

Are you doing slim fast? What kind? I have been looking for a shake/bar that is actually edible!

Catwoman said...

Slim Fast are gross. In fact, I never found a diet bar I liked until now. The bars I love are called "Simply Fit." You can't find them in any store is the catch. They're available through a company called Melaleuca (www.melaleuca.com) that sells all natural products from cleaning supplies to health stuff. I also use their Attain shakes which are also awesome tasting. And they're packed with protein, so I haven't found myself to be starving all the time.