Thursday, March 16, 2006

Things I Don't Miss

1. Dressing Slutty Every Friday and Saturday Night...only to attract scum from the opposite sex. Maybe this is because I was dressing slutty, but either way, it was never smart and handsome non-scummy doctors who hit on me. It was their evil twin, wing man. Because my friend A. who I went out with a lot was way hotter than me, which I guess made me her less attractive friend. Which I don't miss that either.

2. The Humongous Mole on the Side of My Face Those of you who know me may have never even noticed it, even though it could totally kick Cindy Crawford's mole's butt, outweighing it by at least a pound or two. Either way, it got bigger, so I had to have it removed in December. Funny thing about the US healthcare system. The dermatologist only shaved the mole off, leaving its creepy tentacles firmly entrenched in my skin, saying that the insurance company would only pay for the whole thing to be removed if the mole came back as malignant. Right, because it doesn't cost more for me to come to the office twice and have two procedures, rather than scoop out the whole thing once, which takes all of three minutes, having had a back mole removed when I was much younger.

3. Not Having an Excuse for my Imperfect Body I've said it once and I have no problems saying it again. The greatest thing about having a gorgeous baby boy that people ooh and aah about is that they don't notice you. And if they do, you can go "yes, he was totally worth losing my Swimsuit Illustrated body for." It was hard to get away with that excuse when I was only a mom to two cats.

4. Having My Cats Be the Center of my Universe I remember a mom who was on her second baby in our birth class warning us about this happening. She said "you may adore your pets now and treat them like children, but once the baby comes, you just wait, you'll totally forget to feed that same pet." I thought she was insane and thought of reporting her to PETA. Then Baby Boy came. And I'm now happy I'm not one of those people who only carries pictures of their cat around. In fact, my cat's pic got kicked out of my wallet and replaced with my umpteenth picture of baby boy.

5. Having an Empty Living Room Floor There's just something about 100 baby toys strewn across my carpet that just says home to me.

Love,

Catwoman.

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