Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Food Theft

There's this great commercial on TV right now (I think it's been on for a while) for A-1 Steak sauce that takes place in a restaurant. This woman is yelling at the man across from her things like "Stop eating! Don't ignore me! I don't even know you!" As the man blissfully eats away his steak. All of a sudden, he gets up and walks away and she looks relieved. Her actual husband comes back to the table, saying the babysitter said the kids are find looks at his plate and says to his wife "did you eat my steak?"

This never fails to make me laugh, because 1) I'm easily amused and 2) I've actually seen this happen.

I was trying to remember last night where it was and I just realized that it was in Baltimore, when I was there for a client trade show. My client decided to take a bunch of employees and myself to Morton's the Chicago steakhouse, quite the fancy steakhouse with prices to match.

We were enjoying ourselves when all of a sudden, there was a brouhaha by the door. Apparently, a homeless man came in the door, grabbed the lobster off the plate of a poor man sitting by the door and made a beeline for the bathroom where two waiters caught him eating it huddled in a corner.

The funniest part is that during all of this, one of the men in our group was in the bathroom, so he got to see the end of the story without the beginning, which left him very confused. Picture this, you're taking a leak (if you're a woman, this will involve more imagination than a man, because you need to picture a urinary and a, hopefully, well-hung penis) minding your own business, maybe even humming to yourself (this is what I picture men to do in bathrooms). All of a sudden, a scruffy loooking man rushes in, clutching a lobster. You wonder "will this man attack me with this lobster?" But no, the man sits in a corner and begins to eat. You wonder if the dishes are mighty dirty in this establishment, where people are choosing the bathroom floor over the china. Two men dressed in white, but clearly waiters and not workers at the looney bin begin to yell at the man to spit out the 25 dollar per pound lobster.

I think what's most important to learn from this story is two things.

First, just because you're homeless doesn't mean you can't enjoy the finer things in life. Unfortunately, the man was unable to also grab the butter dipping sauce, which really makes the lobster experience.

Second, if you're going to go into restaurants and grab food off of people's plates, don't run into the bathroom where there's only one exit or entrance. Turn around and run back out where you came from. I figure you'd have at least a 30-second running start, because the shock of the "what the hell just happened" of the moment would need to wear off first for everyone in the restaurant.



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