Saturday, February 04, 2006

Maybe I Made the Wrong New Year's Resolution...

I don't mean to scare you, because I'm already scaring myself and it's not nice to spread things like scariness, unless you're a scary movie and that's what you're supposed to do or one of those guys who jump out at a haunted house and it's your job to scare people (which I'm neither of those things), but this is my ninth post is as many days.

Do you realize that if I'd worked out as many times as I've blogged during those days, I'd have Jennifer Aniston's ass and arms, Gisele Bundchen's abs and hips and Charlize Theron's face? Oh and I'd probably also have Halle Berry's gorgeous skin, because God would love me so much then, he'd want me to be that perfect color and glow. Yeah, I'd be freaking hot. But of course, since blogging only burns probably about 3.2 calories per post, I'm still little old me.

And just to add to the illusion of hotness, I'm sitting here with unbrushed hair and teeth, in my flannel pajamas. Although, you'll be happy to know I'm not wearing a bra and I happen to be wearing a thong since none of my other underwear is clean. And I'd rather wear butt floss than dirty underwear, because dirty underwear is just nasty. If I had lots of money, I'd just throw out my underwear and get new one, just so that I wouldn't have to touch them to put them in the washing machine. To me, touching dirty underwear is the equivalent of touching nuclear waste or an uncircumcised penis.




Anonymous said...

Hey, uncircumcised penises aren't dirty!

Catwoman said...

I didn't say they were dirty, I said I didn't like touching them! I also don't like touching my dogs' noses because they're cold, but that doesn't make uncircumcised penises cold! :)

Bitemebitch said...

I'd rather stick my uncircumcised penis into nuclear waste than someone like you