Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The Defininition of an Analogy and an Expression

I have a love affair with analogies colloquial expressions. I probably over use them at least ten times a day. Analogies are great with everything, kind of like chocolate, which makes me appreciate their sweetness even more.

The problem is two-fold. One, with English not being my first language, my bad use of analogies and common expressions is usually what gives me away. Because I tend to mis-quote common sayings that everybody else knows and uses. For example, a couple of weeks ago, I told a new business prospect in a meeting that I had other people I could count on for hands and feet.

This made me sound like some Jeffrey Dahmer person who collect human hands and feet and keeps them in a cooler at home. This in fact, is not the case. What I meant to say was that when needed, I had other people I could use as my arms and legs, which could also sound cannibalistic, but everyone knows that arms and legs means people who can help you out.

Hands and feet makes a new business prospect look at you funny and then stop responding to your emails.

The other problem is that I also tend to make up my own analogies. Which is simply not a good idea when you have my miswired brain. Last night, Sweetie Pie and I were watching The Bachelor Paris (which is complete trash, but that doctor is freaking hot and it's where I was born and there was a Canadian chick on it who got cut last night which is total bull crap!) when something happened that made me say something like this to Sweetie Pie: "That totally doesn't make sense. It's like saying that you're not going to take care of your garden and let all of your flowers and plants die, but then you're going to keep fertilizing your neighbor's lawn and making sure it's all green and stuff."

What this analogy was referring to, I'm not sure. Why I used it, I can't remember. What I do remember is the actual analogy and that Sweetie Pie gave me a "great, the crazy woman's taken over my wife's brain again" look.

And this is why I can't write the great American novel. Because it would be filled with analogies that don't make any sense to anyone except for me and maybe three crazy homeless people. Who by the way, don't help make books top sellers or Oprah Winfrey Book Club selections.



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