Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Two Months: My Letter to Baby Boy

Do you realize that since the last time I sat at this computer writing you this letter, you went out and became twice as old? How could you do this to me? Do you realize that each time you go and become older, it prevents me from becoming any younger?

Now I know last month I told you that I thought you were the most amazing baby ever. But I lied. You weren't the most amazing baby then, because you are now the most amazing baby ever. Because Baby Boy, you smile! I have no idea how you even figured out how to do that, but it's the most amazing trick ever. You'll look at me and your whole face breaks out into the most glorious gummy smile. And I can feel my heart puddle all the way into my feet each and every time.

But I'd lie if I said that you smiled for me on command from the beginning. Because the first time you smiled is while I was ordering you to go to sleep and I think you thought the anxiety in my voice was hilarious, so you smiled. It was past three in the morning and as mad as I was at you, that smile made everything ok. And from that point on, your dad and I tried everything to get you to smile again. One evening, we spent close to an hour making funny faces and sounds at you. You just stared at us, brows furrowed into a "you people are complete freaks and is that what you call comedy?" look. Just as we were about to give up, your daddy's cell phone rang and your whole face lit up into a smile, like you thought "now that's funny!"

Within a week your sense of humor had matured enough where my singing you my strip tease music made you smile when I undress you to change your diaper. I don't know how you recognize that as stripper music and it makes me think you've been going to seedy places behind my back. Which you know that means you're grounded until you're 25, right?

I don't mean to sound like your mother, but now that you have the smiling thing down, how about working on sleeping? Your dad's getting mighty cranky from the lack of sleep, and I have to say that I'm not exactly at my funnest level ever.

Did I tell you you're very strong? One day after your one-month birthday, you pushed yourself up on your elbows and raised your head. When I told the pediatrician, she looked at me horrified and said that you weren't supposed to do that until you were two months old and predicted that you'd crawl, walk and marry an heiress sooner than you're supposed to.

What gets me though is that you still can't hold on to a pacifier. I don't mean to criticize, but this isn't exactly brain surgery, which I know you'll be studying by the time you're 12 years old. At first I thought you were just too scrawny, but you've been eating formula like you've heard there was some kind of shortage coming, and you now have the cheeks of a chipmunk saving up for winter. And yet you've still got the issue of the pacifier falling out of your mouth, landing on your shoulder where you sadly pucker your lips towards, trying to retrieve the thing. I got so desperate at one point, after spending close to an hour sticking the stupid pacifier back in your mouth, that I tried taping it to your face.

I know, I know, this is why you're going to be in therapy forever as an adult, but in my defense, it wasn't duck tape. I used the medical tape they gave me at the hospital that kept wires stuck to my body without ripping off my skin. The problem with medical tape is that it barely sticks to skin and sticks to nothing else. So there you were, in your bouncy seat with two long strips of tape on your face and they wouldn't stick to the pacifier. You looked a lot like Hannibal Lecter at that moment, which freaked me out and left me convinced that my creativity should be kept contained to other areas of my life, but not parenting.

We're still working on that screaming issue too. You're better, but there's still room for improvement. You'll happily sit in your bouncy seat in the morning, watching me while I work or blog. Every time I pause to look at you, you'll smile or grunt at me and it's fun! But then night comes, and your cranky side comes out. It's like you're over-tired from the fun of the day and blame us for your lack of naps, when all we've done for most of the day is try to get you to sleep.

But your dad, being the smart man he is has found something that makes you happy. We strap you into your umbrella stroller and dad takes you on walks throughout the house. You love it and can be walked for hours without a single tear or scream from you. Last night, you even fell asleep in the stroller and we debated as to whether we should leave you in it or risk waking you up to take you to bed with us. We decided to take you out of the stroller, which brought down your wrath upon us, but that's ok, we love you anyway.

You also had your first Halloween this month. Can I tell you you're the cutest most munchable baby on Earth? My friend K. had sent you a little orange onesie that said "Mommy's little pumpkin" on it and I don't think another baby in the whole world could have pulled off that look off as well as you. I finished off the outfit with a spider hat which although adorable wouldn't stay on your head. I did manage to get some pictures and then I showed you what you looked like in the mirror. Your eyes got the widest I'd ever seen them like you were wondering what the hell had grown on your head.

And you went and grew the world's longest eyelashes! Do you know how gorgeous they are? Women all over the world felt their heart break a little when those eyelashes appeared. One bat of the eye and you will own them all. Use that power wisely baby boy.

And then there's your bottom lip, our kryptonite. The world screeches to a halt when your bottom lip comes out. You can use it to cause havoc better than any weapon of mass destruction. I even find you in your sleep practicing how to push that lip out even further. Superman had his cape, Spiderman had his web making thingies, you have your bottom lip. Your power should be used for good, never evil. So please don't start using that lip to get me to burn villages and pillage for you. Because right now, you have the power to make me do just about anything it takes to make you happy.

I read ahead as to what you're supposed to do next month and it totally blew me away. You're going to laugh??? Get out! And the fact that crawling is just around the corner, as well as seeing your face light up when we feed you real food for the first time. All of these things make me so excited and at the same time make me want to just put you in an ice tray and freeze you like you are right now, because I just can't imagine how you could get any more adorable.

And yet, from the past month, I know that the one thing you keep doing is amazing me. How you ever came out of me, I'll never understand, but I'm grateful every single minute of every single day, even the ones where your screaming feels like thumb tacks being pushed into my brain.

I love you my little man,


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