Wednesday, August 10, 2005

OK, OK, I Get It, I Suck

Yes, I realize it's been nine days since I've posted. And I have to admit that I did think of posting on more than a couple of occasions. But things have been busy. There is more to life than posting, you know? And really, when you have nothing interesting to say, it's hard to feel compelled to post all the time.

So here's what I've been up to:

1. Since the last time I posted, I've been busy putting on three pounds. That's right, baby. That's three pounds in only nine days. And the Supersize Me guy thought he had an exclusive on gaining too much weight, ha! The surprising part is that I have been eating no worse (and no better) than the rest of my pregnancy and last month it took me almost a month to gain one measly pound. But all of a sudden, my ass thought to itself "hey, we need to get bigger and tip the scales more." And all of my fat cells nodded in agreement. If I continue to gain three pounds a week, I will officially be classified as a beached whale when my pregnancy ends early next month.

2. Tying my shoes. This may not seem like it should take a long time. But trust me, it does. You see, I've been tying my shoes by crossing one leg over the other and tying my little heart out. Until a good friend of mine, who unknowingly told me this, since I was wearing flip flops on that day, happened to tell me how some women at her school were saying that you can always tell a woman's too fat if her shoelaces are crooked because they can't bend down to tie anymore. And I realized, that was me. So now it takes me anywhere from 15 to 30 mn to reach for my foot in front of me and carefully tie my shoelaces so that they are centered with the rest of the shoe.

3. Assembling a warehouse's worth of IKEA furniture. Last week, my life became happy again when IKEA officially opened its door. I have to say that I showed a lot of restraint and didn't line up three days before the opening. I did try to go during the afternoon of the first day, but upon learning of the two-hour wait just to get into the building, I wisely chose to come back the next day. I've discovered that a Jeep Liberty can hold the following: One armoire, five dining room chairs, one nightstand, one King-size quilt and duvet cover, four pillows, a shelf and a bunch of little knick knacks that somehow flew out of the IKEA bins and into my bag. Wait, that makes me sound like a shoplifter. I mean the IKEA shopping bag. I obviously paid for all of the knick knacks not wanting to be turned away from the gates of IKEA heaven.

So there. As you can see I've been way too busy to post. Plus, the Young and the Restless and the Bold and the Beautiful have gotten really good lately.

Love,

Catwoman.

1 comment:

MartiniGal said...

Not to mention a certain party you threw!!!