Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Half-Baked... Yes I am

Well, the good news is that my pecan pie didn't burn. The bad news is that Thanksgiving is upon us, which means that I've decided to make recipes that are way too complicated for me and that I've lost a whole day and a few hair trying to impress people who really, being family have no choice than to pretend to be grateful if I'd bought a pie bought at Walmart.

Even though I have no baking talents and only recently developed passable cooking talents, I volunteered to bake two pies for Thanksgiving at my mother-in-law's. It seemed like a good idea at the time and I'd gotten two recipes that just sounded oh so yummy: a sugared latice apple pie and a maple pecan pie.

After much worry and consideration, my friend S. told me that it was in fact ok for me to make the pies the day before Thanksgiving. Although I was doubtful, I figured that it beat getting up at the crack of dawn tomorrow.

And so I began baking. The first recipe seemed simple enough. And it was. Until I had to take the pie out 20 minutes into its cooking time and apply foil around the rim to make sure the crust doesn't burn. Especially since our oven gets its power from Satan's own personal supply and burns any food that even passes in front of its glass door.

Since I don't have a pie protector thingie and the recipe said I could use foil, I ripped little strips of foil to wrap around the edge.

Sounds like it would work right? Except that the pie plate is at about 450 degrees, the foil won't stick and everytime I put another piece on, the others fall off the pie. Which led me to say all sorts of words that begin with the letter "f" and I don't mean "Frankfurt" or "Fido."

20 minutes after the pecan pie had come out of the oven and was probably close to room temperature, probably forever affecting the chemical balance that even heat for 50 minutes was suppose to create, I finally got the foil haphazardly straddled on and the pie went back into the oven.

It came out and I have to say that it looks pretty good. Well, the top of it is a very dark golden, think... Hmmm... What's a dark golden... Oh, I know, think of a beautiful blonde who's hair has just been blowtorched. That kind of dark golden.

Anyway, overall the pecan pie turned out ok.

So then, it was time for me to get started on the apple pie. And if you think slicing thinly six apples sounds like it's an easy job, let me just tell you that it somehow took me close to an hour. Thank God my husband has a small family, because there was no way I could have possibly found the time to make two pies of each.

My friend M. after telling her of my pecan/foil frustration told me that I was supposed to create a ring with the foil before putting the pie in the oven, so that I could just place it on top when the time came.

Huh. Who knew my friends had freaking Nobel prizes in baking ideas. And why the hell would they not share their expertise before the neighborhood children all began to sound like they had Turrette's syndrome from my influence?

Tomorrow I make the Mac & Cheese. No, not the kind that comes out of a blue box. Really fancy kind with fancy ingredients like "gruyere" and "prosciutto ham." It's very delicious and very fattening as all great foods should be. I've made this before and it has become somewhat of a tradition for me to make it. I don't even know if Sweetie Pie's family enjoys it. I just know that I do and when I tell them I'm going to bring it again, they seem to frightened to suggest otherwise.

Happy Turkey Day everyone! And be thankful on this day that our white ancestors brought disease to the Indians and stole their land even when they were invited to dinner, so that we may have the opportunity to stuff our faces and blow our diets. Isn't the world fantastic?

Lots of love,


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