Friday, September 10, 2004

When the Moon Hits Your Eye, Like a Big Pizza Pie, That's Aaaaaaaamoooore!

Well, I know this will keep you on pins and needles and make you want to check my blog ten times a day to read the latest and greatest, but we've found our floor.

No, not in that we looked down and noticed that we were standing on something called a floor. That'd just be a dumb and retarded story now wouldn't it?

No, we found our floor as in an even duller we were looking to rip out our nasty ass carpet and have been looking for the perfect replacement and after many trips to different stores, we found it.

Now here's the best part. As you know, with me living the high life of an unemployed person, it means we don't have the money to buy an expensive floor. Sweetie Pie's parents are giving us a really good chunk of very generous change that will help us be able to buy a cheap flooring. And from the beginning, we knew we wouldn't be able to afford hard woods. And we'd accepted that. So our mission was to find the perfect affordable laminate that looked like wood. So that people would come over to our house and go "wow! Love your hardwoods." Rather than think to themselves "since when do trees look like this?"

And so we'd found one this past weekend that we liked. But I wanted to make sure that this was the best we could do. So earlier this week, we went to Lumber Liquidators and saw another laminate that was half the price of the one we'd found at The Floor Store. Quite tempting right...

Well, while I was there, there was also another pattern that was beautiful, rich and looked just like wood and was a very dark and rich color.

When we got home, with sample number one, Sweetie Pie thought that maybe we should have tried the dark color that I was looking at. Nuh duh!

So yesterday I went all the way back for the sample of the darker "wood." And as I was feeling it (which sounds really dirty, but really isn't) at the store, I asked the salesman what kind of laminate this was.

"It's not," he said. "It's hardwood."

My heart stopped. I checked the price again. "Is there a digit missing in this price?" I whispered, knowing that I'd probably jinxed myself.

"Nope, that's right," he responded. "It's an as is lot, so some boards may be damaged, but there's no warranty on this. So you'll want to buy about 10 percent more just in case."

I nodded at him hoping he wouldn't tell me "you've been punk'd."

I raced home, my heart pounding. "SWEETIE PIE!!!!! SWEEEEEEEEEEETIE PIE!" I screamed before I even got to the driveway. "We can have hardwoods! Not a picture of wood on our floors, but an actual piece of wood that's hard and serves as our floor!"

We looked at that 0.5 inch by 0.0001 inch sample. We put it next to the recliner. Then we put it next to the door. Then next to our forehead. Yup, it looked good even next to our sallow complexions. Anything that sample was placed next to automatically looked better. And so we knew this was the one.

At this point it was too late to drive all the way back to the store since they close at five to be able to sell hardwood floors to us at ridiculous prices. So Sweetie Pie said "You can go and buy them tomorrow."

Well that was a mistake. That means that I spent all night staring longingly at that sample, holding it in my lap like a newborn kitten, snuggling it ever so tenderly. And then came that horrible moment when I had to go to sleep.

Like a child who knew that when she wakes up, Santa would have come, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't go to sleep. I know that eventually I did finally pass out from exhaustion, but at 4:30 a.m., my mind and body were awake, ready to get to the store. Which, since it does not open until 9 a.m. might have been just a tad early.

So now, I've been out of bed since 4:46 a.m. playing backgammon and dominoes on Yahoo, just waiting until the moment I can go hand my credit card to the kind folks at Lumber Liquidators. I don't care that the next three weeks will mean living in disarray while our living room gets redone piece by piece. None of that matters to me. What matters is that I now know what true love is and no one can ever take that away from me.



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