Friday, August 27, 2004

Hey, Wait a Minute Here...

I'm very, very concerned you guys. You see, last night I was reading In Touch Magazine, my favorite celeb publication, because it's only $1.99 an issue which then makes me think "why is it they're able to put a perfectly fine publication and sell it for that price when People sells for a first born?"

But anyway, my point is not how reading In Touch is like inhaling a tub of frosting: it's a cheap sugar high and you feel guilty the whole time you're doing it. My point is that in it there was a story about celebrity moms and they listed the top ten. I know, the kind of stuff that you just HAVE to read, there's no way around it.

Anyway, Jessica Simpson's mom was listed and was quoted in the story as saying "Jessica is no dummy. In fact she has an IQ of 160."


Let's see. 100 is an average IQ. 140 is genius. And Jessica Simpson has a 160 IQ? Wow! Now that's motherly love!

But besides how funny this is, does it not bring thoughts of another non-celebrity mom? A.K.A. MINE! The mother who said that I was fired because I was too smart.

Kind of makes me rethink that whole explanation.

Tomorrow is Sweetie Pie and I's anniversary. Two years. And still as unhappy as the day we met.

Actually, I was just telling a friend of mine the other day about how Sweetie Pie is the only man I've been with who I still like and respect after all of these years. I think one of the biggest parts of it is he can manage to piss me off like no other. I'm so used to throwing fits with men and being showered with praise, gifts or pleadings to stop. With Sweetie Pie, he never fell for it. He either ignores me, walks away or tells me he'll talk to me when I'm out of my funk.

Yeah, it exactly makes me feel like a three year-old having a tantrum and that's what pisses me off most when it happens. But still, I have to give him some credo for his dealing with the dark side of Catwoman, the side that will bite you just because you happen to be sitting next to me and then I'll feel bad and just purr on your lap for two hours, also for no reason. We've known each other for 5 1/2 years and I still love him and still find him intriguing. Previous record for longest relationship: 16 months. That's right, one whole year and four months. Not exactly world-record breaking stuff. But see, here's the thing. That was one relationship that was 16 months. But there were many, many, MANY that didn't even make it to the three month mark.

I found out something horrifying a few months ago, before I started blogging: I am the ultimate lucky charm. If you slept with me before I met Sweetie Pie, chances are you're insanely successful. One of my exes moved to Australia, started his own company, which now has offices in the US, England and Canada and when he's not busy shoveling the money into his 30 hummers, he volunteers with young boys to get them to learn all about IT and how to turn their lives around. Mind you, he always looked a little too much like Beaker on the Muppet Show. (If you can't remember what Beaker looked like, click here.

Another boyfriend of mine is now CIO for some big Canadian technology firm. And yet another is some big shot lawyer who just recently returned to Harvard to do his Doctorate in Law.

You tell me I'm not a crystal ball for success!



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