Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Another Day Without a Reason to Bathe...

The best part about being unemployed is that you no longer have to be crushed by the obligations of society. No longer do you have to sit in traffic, smile at coworkers you despise instead of spitting in their eye, or bathe.

I know it sounds really nasty, but I've found myself not bathing on a daily basis like I used to. The thing is, that when you're working, you have a routine. Get up, bathe, go to work, cry all the way home, drink, pass out. and start all over again.

But when you're not working, you get up, go to the TV, watch Regis and Kelly, eat a few Pringles, IM your friends, do a little work when your husband's around, watch your soaps, eat some more Pringles, blog and then next thing you know the whole day's passed and prime time TV's on, which is never a good thing to miss for a shower.

And then all of a second, you've gone through the whole routine again and you realize that you never thought of showering today either.

Well, it can't happen more than one day really, because in my case, on day two, as you go to greet your Sweetie Pie, his nose crinkles in the way that noses crinkle in cartoons and he says "you really should consider showering."

Touche Mr. Obsessive-Compulsive man. And I have to say, if you think a shower a day feels good. Try skipping it. The total feeling of having two days worth of grime leave your body is unbelievable.

But really, when you think about it, if it wasn't for Sweetie Pie, I would easily have four or five days a week where I wouldn't even have a reason to shower. I talk to a good portion of my friends every day, but I don't see them. So really, they couldn't smell me.

It's not like my phone is ringing off the hook with people begging me to come in for an interview, because that would be an occasion worthy of a shower.

And since most of my days are spent with two dogs and two cats who haven't had a bath in so long they're beginning to smell quite rank themselves, I figure what does it matter, right?

Besides, think of the money I'm saving on soap, shampoo, electricity from the blow dryer and straightening iron. I'm also saving the towels from being used up. And really, I'm just being a concerned environmentalist. Do you know what those phosphates in shampoo and soap do to the environment? I must have saved 10 dolphins yesterday alone. And don't get me started on the wastage of water that comes with showering.

I think Sweetie Pie would appreciate it if I showered on a more constant basis. And I have to say, I wouldn't mind if I did either. After all, yesterday, I applied deodorant three times and yet, I could still perceive wafts of a slightly sweaty botanical smell.

So I think what I'm going to start doing is make myself a to-do list. That way, I'll remember everything I'm supposed to do. Here goes:

1. Wake up
2. Get up
3. Pee
4. Brush teeth
5. Eat breakfast (NOT Pringles!!!!!)
6. Check Yahoo account
7. Check Monster.com
8. Apply to jobs
9. IM friends
10. Play solitaire with M.
11. Watch Regis & Kelly
12. Watch first half hour of Ellen
13. Watch Y&R
14. Eat lunch (NOT Pringles!!!!!)
15. IM some more
16. Do a little work
17. Play more solitaire with M.
18. Go get mail
19. Shower

Whew, BARELY fit that one in!



No comments: